Understanding that there doesn't have to be a reason.

My middle son woke up on the proverbial wrong side of the bed this morning. I can’t tell you what triggered it, and I realize that most of the time, neither can he.  He had an awesome experience the night before, where he and his Dad went to see and even got to meet a legendary metal guitar player. All I kept thinking was, how could he wake up feeling so poorly when he had this great night!

So cool!

I get that we all have those days where we just feel “blech,” (that’s in the latest DSM manual by the way.) Usually though, when we feel lousy, or grumpy, or anything opposite of happy or content, we can attach it to something that’s motivating the mood. We can justify it with stress, with being tired, with our hormonal cycles, with a fight we had the day before, you name it. The lesson I learned this morning from my son however, is that sometimes there doesn’t have to be a reason. He just woke up in a shitty mood and my questions trying to seek the reasons why, only made his mood worse. It wasn’t until he finally blew up at me and said “Mom, there’s nothing wrong at school or anywhere, just stop asking me questions!” Processing this now, hours later, I get that the better choice for me might have been simply to acknowledge that he was in a foul mood and that if he needed anything, I was here to help. Instead, what I did was get annoyed, frustrated and exasperated, and add to his discontent, which certainly didn’t help anyone. One of the lessons I have learned since starting Totem Tamers, is that saying “calm down” to someone who is agitated or upset, doesn’t get you very far. Now I say “calm yourself,” because it reminds my son that he has the ability and tools from Totem Tamers, to do just that. Sometimes, he just needs a gentle reminder that he still has power even when he isn’t feeling secure or confident. We managed, and everyone got out the door on time, and I am grateful that before noon, I have learned something that I will hopefully be able to put in to practice before the next sunrise.

Stay well.

To learn more about Totem Tamers, please visit our site at www.totemtamers.com.

By | 2013-11-12T11:23:13-04:00 November 12th, 2013|Life|2 Comments


  1. Nancy November 12, 2013 at 4:06 pm - Reply

    It’s so so true. Calm down is the one single phrase that can get me from 0 to near explosion. Sometimes, there are no reasons….

    • totemtamers November 12, 2013 at 4:31 pm - Reply

      It’s a reflex for people to do when they see someone upset because it generally triggers our (my) control issues. I’m learning!! xo

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