I am so sorry that you are going through this emotional time in your life, goodness knows you have already had your share of roller coasters. No one can know your life, or your struggles, but many can relate. Your father was and still is one of the most well known musician’s in the world, he was brilliant, he was also tortured internally. Whatever demons he was battling his whole life, they ultimately won. Sadly, it seems that you have inherited them. Your demons may look different, sound different, even act differently than your dad’s, but the bottom line is they are trying to destroy you and you need help. Paris, you aren’t really different from a lot of 15 year old girls. Hormones raging, bodies changing, minds racing, school pressure, peer pressure, family pressure, there’s enough going on in the world of a 15 year old girl, it’s no surprise you tried to get away. Add in living in the public eye and well it’s almost too much! I was a 15 year old girl once. I was no different from you (except of course without the celebrity angle.) I was sad and didn’t really understand why. I was angry but couldn’t figure that out either. I looked older than 15 so people treated me as such (that didn’t help.) There were dark days for me, really dark. I talked about suicide in my poetry, listened to really sad songs, put myself in dangerous situations and even once took a lot more cold medicine than I should have. I was lucky. I also realized that I didn’t want to die, but I did want to quiet my head and change my life. I am grateful that I did, and today I spend a lot of time sharing with people in the hopes that it will help someone else. I wish I could tell you what it was that pulled me out of the depths I was in, but I don’t really know. Sure there was therapy (which I highly recommend,) but ultimately I think it was fear. Fear that I would miss out on something really cool, special, unique or exciting. That’s when I knew I was on my way up. I cared about stuff, about people, about music, about my puppy, my family, and about me. You still care, that’s why you’re still here, you asked for help and that means there is hope. You have choices to make still and that means there’s a chance for you to find yourself and find your path and make your own history, hopefully a very long one.
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or thoughts of suicide, there is help at http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org, or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).