It's a day of faux-giveness!

By | 2018-04-07T23:21:57-04:00 September 23rd, 2015|anxiety, anxiety relief, bikram yoga, childhood, Life, pope, religion, stress, stress relief, yoga|

Faux-giveness: the act of pretending to let go of something that was done to you or done by you, simply so you don’t have to carry around the ugliness of guilt or anger every day. Because we all know, you don’t forgive Dumb Debbie Sue* for stealing away your boyfriend at recess that day, no matter how many years ago it was. Because we all know you’ll never forget the horrible feeling you had when a teacher accused you of cheating. Nothing ever came of it because (a) you didn’t cheat, and (b) he had no proof anyway.  Because we all know when anything has happened to hurt your children, forgiveness is nearly impossible. From the parties where everyone was invited except your child, to the auditions where your kid isn’t chosen, to the girl that broke your son’s heart for the first time, there is no forgiveness there. There is only faux-giveness. I will tell myself that Dumb Debbie Sue deserved Stinky Pants Stuart* because in fact, he did have stinky pants and she was definitely dumb. I could rationalize that the accusatory teacher was having a bad day, but really, when Facebook suggests that teacher as someone I might know, I am immediately back in that moment (20 plus years ago) with him pointing his finger in my face, and no, I don’t forgive. I could explain that maybe the parents sent the invite to the wrong address and weren’t maliciously excluding my child, that the casting director doesn’t know true talent when she sees it, and that I know my son will love again, hopefully a hundred times over. This is all faux-giveness, because we have to go on, because we have to function, and if we didn’t let go of all the crap that mires us down on a daily basis, we would be a miserable society (well, more miserable anyway.) And no, I haven’t forgotten about myself and my own transgressions leading to my personal faux-giveness for the things I have done, not only to others, but to myself. I faux-give myself for letting those Peanut M&M’s fall out of the sealed bag that was tucked safely deep inside the closed pantry, and into my mouth. I faux-give myself for all the horribly inappropriate comments and jokes I’ve made at the expense of others because there was laughter involved and laughter makes everything better. I faux-give myself for cheating occasionally during Awkward Pose in Bikram class, and blaming my knee when I don’t go all the way down. I faux-give myself for all of it, because I am only human, and that little ounce of faux-giveness is what helps me make it through my day, every day. Forgiveness is hard, really hard, and I admire anyone who truly has given it and/or received it, but for me, for now, and for ever, I will faux-give, because I can’t ever for get.

Stay well.

*names have been changed to protect the not so innocent. 🙂

PS:I realize you might be wondering why “faux”, and besides the obvious lingual pleasure, the truth is that I will once again let M&M’s fall into my mouth, and I will not always complete the postures in Bikram, and so it’s not a total forgiveness because the behavior is repetitive.

PPS: The other component to this whole rant, is remorse. I think forgiveness may be easier to achieve and offer, if the offending party is actually sorry for their choices or their behavior, and that includes ourselves. I’m not sorry for the M&M’s. There I said it!

#tbt, only about an hour ago, but it counts. Or, what I did with my anger.

By | 2018-04-07T23:22:04-04:00 July 2nd, 2015|anger management, anxiety, Life, strangers, yoga|

There I was, innocently walking along on my way to yoga this morning. It was one of those mornings where I would have much rather stayed in bed a little longer, but I knew that going to class and sweating my patootie (yes, that’s a word) off, would certainly wake me up and ready me for the day ahead. There’s this one intersection in my neighborhood, that no one gets right. From the pedestrians to the cars, there’s always someone in the crosswalk that shouldn’t be. I am cognizant of this every time I cross, whether on foot or on wheels, but I will happily defend my position if I have the right of way. So, back to me blissfully walking with my yoga mat, frozen water bottles, etc., when I approach the intersection and see that I have the right of way, at least according to the little walking man sign!

Clearly my turn to walk!

Clearly my turn to walk!

Well the cabby who almost ran me over, either didn’t see the sign, or more likely, didn’t care. His window was wide open, practically begging for me to yell an obscenity and let him have it, while staking my claim as a pedestrian. But something so strange happened, when I opened my mouth to let out a tirade, nothing came out! It was an anomaly to be sure, because I am never (rarely) at a loss for words, especially colorful ones that have four letters! I continued on in silence, with my anger quickly being replaced by an almost nervous giggle. I didn’t yell. I didn’t give rise to the blood pressure that had bubbled to the surface. I didn’t allow my anger to take over and potentially effect the rest of my morning. Brilliant!! This was big of course, and I spent a portion of yoga contemplating what it might have felt like to give voice to that anger, and guess what, I couldn’t come up with anything positive! Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting bottling up your anger, or not finding some sort of release for it, but I am suggesting it be situational, perhaps. Me yelling at that cab driver for having blatant disregard for pedestrians crossing the street would have accomplished nothing. The cab driver wouldn’t have cared, and might have even gotten mad himself and yelled back at me, or taken it out on his next fare, or worse, might have gotten distracted enough to hit someone or something. Any of those things might have happened, and nowhere in there is the option of the cab driver apologizing to me for almost ruining my morning. What would have happened to me had I yelled? Well, my blood pressure surely would have gone up and stayed up, and that’s not a great thing. My mindset would have been darkened and that’s not a good thing. I might have been further distracted in yoga class, in a negative way, that might have led me to go into a posture improperly and hurt myself. See, nothing positive would have come out of my 15 second explosion, but everything positive came out of my holding on to that 15 seconds. All that being said, what am I really saying? Hold on to your anger when possible, because there can only be positive reactions when you do, and when or if you can’t hold on to it, be swift about it and release it as quickly as you can. Then you can go on looking at silly #tbt pictures of you when you had that mullet in high school. Yeah, I saw them. Hilarious.

Stay well.

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