What is baggage anyway? This was a recurring theme this week when talking to friends (and strangers, which is something I do if you didn’t know.) Baggage definitely has a negative connotation to it and sounds heavy and intense. People have said that my kids could be considered baggage, needless to say I always have a few choice four-letter-words for them! I remember when I first started dating again and was filling out profiles on ridiculous dating sites, several people suggested that I shouldn’t include the fact that I had kids. I was horrified! I am blessed to be a mother three times over and if someone takes issue with that, then guess what, I don’t want to date them!! These so “caring” individuals were trying to help by suggesting that it would be difficult to find men to date because of my kids, which is true. I repeated again, if someone chooses not to get involved with me because of my incredibly cute, smart, charming and well behaved children, it’s their loss!
Two other conversations I had this week touched on the same idea of “baggage” and what to share with people when dating. One friend is a recovering alcoholic, so he prefers not to meet women for drinks but offers up coffee or tea or a meal as an option. The issue is whether to announce up front that he is in recovery or to wait as long as possible. Some people in the “program” suggested that being in recovery can be viewed as negative baggage and therefore people will choose not to date him. My friend, being as smart as he is and as dedicated to his recovery as he is , basically responded that being an alcoholic is a negative, being in recovery is the ultimate positive. I was struck by his conviction and the same thought that if someone has an issue with his recovery, then it’s not the right person for him to date. Being in recovery is not having baggage, it’s just a part of who you are and your way of life.
Yet another conversation with a friend this week was about when to let someone know you’ve had cancer. She underwent a double mastectomy and is in the healing process now (she was discussed a few months ago in another post.) She is now starting to date and is questioning when to let potential suitors know her history. This is a little different because it’s not a condition she wears on her sleeve per se, so there’s a little leeway in when to share this very personal information. Although, her new boobies do look awesome and will certainly attract a lot of attention! But her cancer isn’t baggage, it’s something she is dealing with, and quite remarkably if I may say so myself.
Bottom line, don’t let so-called “baggage” weigh you down, pile it up and climb on top and anyone who is worth it will make the effort to climb with you!
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