On a gurney in the ER a year and half ago, a really cute doctor with a porn star name, came in to tell me that it didn’t look good. In fact, he said “It’s bad.” Holy shit, I’m a 38-year-old woman with three young kids and this (thankfully very cute) doctor, is telling me that I might be having a heart attack and that my heart may be severely damaged. Well fast forward, I am here writing this, so clearly I survived, but I did have a serious bout of Myopericarditis. Definitely not fun and definitely scary. I was having symptoms of a heart attack that included chest pain, pain in my left arm, pain in my jaw, and severe palpitations. The palpitations I had been dealing with for years, so it was the addition of the other symptoms that freaked me out, and rightfully so. Thank goodness I am fine, but I still have the palpitations and will possibly have them forever. We all do apparently, and some of us just feel them more intensely than others, I’m just lucky that way. That old saying “once a bell has been rung…,” is sadly how I’ve been living for the last year or so. Anytime I get a blip or a funky feeling or what feels like chest pain, I call my cardiologist. And every time, he checks me out and tells me I’m fine. I love my cardiologist, for the most part. I respect him as a doctor, but sometimes his bedside manner sucks. Today, I finally had the courage to tell him so. At first he was almost argumentative, but then he heard me and that gave me courage to really explain what I was feeling and what I needed from him. I told him that he is the expert so he understands exactly what’s happening to my body and even though he knows it’s no big deal, I don’t know that. In fact, I think it’s much more and that I will end up in the hospital again. (Thank you anxiety!) I explained that no matter how many times I call, it’s because I am in fear for what could be wrong and that I need him to validate my fears and then calmly tell me its ok. The doctor admitted he had some work to do on his communication skills and would try to soften his edges. He heard me, and even though I may have had a ridiculously expensive test for no reason today, my peace of mind is worth everything. If you are afraid to talk to your doctor, or call your doctor in the middle of the night, then your doctor is failing you and you should start looking for another one pronto!
PS: My Totems were with me today thank goodness as they were helpful in keeping me calm and giving me strength. Take your Totem with you next time you know or even think you might be in a stressful or anxiety producing situation. If you don’t have one, get one! Shop our site at www.totemtamers.com/store.